Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
