He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
