ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
