I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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