We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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