just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
