Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
