pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
