I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
