My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
