my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
