i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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