Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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