I cannot find my penis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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