I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
