Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
