If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
