so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
