Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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