is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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