what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
