I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
