You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
