ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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