watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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