She's JV to your varsity
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
