Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
