p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
