he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
