Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
