You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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