i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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