If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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