Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
