If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
