Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
