if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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