my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
