I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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