exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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