i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
