Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
