my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
