I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
