Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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