my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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