I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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