Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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