come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
