ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
