no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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