Betty ford says i'm here all night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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