Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
