Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
