just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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