He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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