Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
