Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
whose ass print is on the piano?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
