i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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