I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
