lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You made out with two different species that night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
