Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
