we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
